#JWI: Ten

There was a time when i slept over at their place. It was a friend’s birthday and we spent dinner over – just pizza and soda and meeting his cousin – and that time i was still disillusioned of my overly affectionate feelings for this person. The lights have been turned off and everyone but one was settling in to sleep. And he was there getting ready for bed and i was sitting on one of the other beds and in a surge of momentary braveness i called his name and said, Happy birthday, my arms wide open for a hug. Because i felt like being spontaneous and because i thought we knew each other enough to know that gestures like those were okay, at least between our little circle. But what i got was stunted silence and a stammering, Wait lang, and a second later the moment was gone, now replaced with an awkwardness i will not soon forget. He finished fixing his bed but by that time i was embarassed enough and no one wanted to get back to what happened a few seconds ago. It was the first substantial hit to my perfect illusion of a happy relationship with him, with those people.

I don’t think we ever got past that. Years later we kept seeing each other, and though at times it felt like things were working, there were moments when the barrier simply stood a little harder to break between him and me.


Experience is a brutal teacher but you learn. My god, do you learn. – C.S. Lewis


Mood: melancholic. it’s the first rain of summer.
Now Playing: Christina Perri – Arms | You put your arms around me and I believe that it’s easier for you to let me go.