#JWI Thirteen: For now

i dreamt of you again. 

this time i had woken from the bedroom i seldom slept in, my roommates already at the dining table supposedly reviewing. the sound of conversation had woken me and i looked up, still groggy from sleep, to recognize a figure whose back was to me. there’s a flit of suspicion before you turn sideways and i confirm that you indeed have come.

as if you all realized i am awake, three pairs of eyes turned to me. i just stared back at you though, my mind muddled from sleep and yet refusing to accept your presence. i remembered laying my head down – prone that i am – and heard movement from the living room. your voice comes to me, muffled by the pillow on which i’ve shoved my face on. You had said, “Tutulog pa ulit cya?” (She’s going to sleep again?) and my roommates answered, “Kakahiga lang nyan” and “Puyat kagabi”. (She just went to bed / (She) Stayed up late last night.)

The bed dips on my right side and then there’s a familiar weight on my back, where you had apparently draped your body. I stay still, hopefully in a convincing display of slumber, but you wiggled and so did i. My then moan of protest is answered with your laugh (and in the foggy state of mind i thought i missed that sound). Your chin rested on my shoulder. 

We stayed just like that for a while, the warmth of your body an added comfort I let happen. There was no why or how in my dream. Things like that could come another time because after all at that point we already are. For the sake of dreams, that is all that mattered.

You eventually moved, pushing higher against me and there’s the brush of your lips on my nape. You whispered, “Hello. Missed me?” 

Unwilling that i am to move or lose your weight above me, I just smiled.
I half-expected you to be there when I woke up for real despite already having that feeling it wasn’t going to be so. Ok na din because in this version the whys and hows would have to be answered and this is not the time in my life for things like that. Or for people who put what ifs I dare not ponder on. I am at the playing field of my career right now. As regretful as it is to say, I would have to pass on whatevet this is temporarily.

let me just say that if how i saw you last night is as you are in reality these days, then I’m happy for you. 

I’ll see you again in my dreams sometime.


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